Better than Me
Thoughts on Comparison
“What’s your greatest weakness?”
I sat across from a woman at a job interview, contemplating my answer. It’s easy for me to spout out my strengths, but I’m slow to think of a weakness. My body squirms as I consider an answer, my mind digging through acceptable responses.
Eventually, I talk about low energy and the many struggles it can cause. Most days I roll out of bed bleary eyed and unprepared to begin the day. My son bursts out of his room each morning, racing to ours with a huge smile. Despite a hefty cup of coffee, I cannot match his enthusiasm.
But after the interview it makes me wonder, what is my greatest weakness?
A few weeks go by and I know the answer. As I sit on the couch and scroll through my phone I notice an icky feeling bubble to the surface. Social media used to provide inspiration, but it now breeds comparison. I compare myself to others and my past self, able to do more—and do it faster, better, and stronger. I used to fit into smaller clothes, do more jumping jacks, or stay up later. Despite my accomplishments, there’s always someone who performs better.
And in between the cracks of the day I find myself on my phone scrolling through more ways to compare. Why do I do this?
One girl seems to have a closer group of friends, a bigger 4th of July party, or a fancier meal plan.
My lip twists as I remember our frozen meals and lack of July 4th barbecues.
Instagram used to be a fun outlet—a chance to catch up with family. Now I’m bombarded with ideas and inspiration I can’t keep up with. I have not done a house project in weeks. I haven’t been to the gym in months, and I don’t remember what my New Year’s resolutions are.
Finally, I hover over the three dots and click “log out.” A chance to reset and re-examine my heart. As I think about comparison, I’m reminded of Galatians 6:4–5.
“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
This verse compels us to examine our own actions. When I work unto the Lord I can take pride, not in myself, but by working faithfully to Him. Instead of testing the actions of others I can look at myself and consider if I’m being faithful.
As I log back into social media, I try to have a Romans 12:15 mindset, rejoicing with those who rejoice & weeping with those who weep. When someone shares a job promotion or pregnancy announcement I can celebrate instead of comparing. When someone shares a complicated recipe or cleaning trick I can keep swiping or try it out, without it dampening my mood or insecurities.
Comparison may be a struggle of yours too, but there’s hope. Instead, we can find contentment in what God has entrusted to us.
In this season, I have two young children. I’m not working full time at a corporation or making homemade meals every evening. I am taking time to shepherd my children and embrace that unique responsibility, letting go of past or present expectations that aren’t mine to carry.
Today we can rejoice in the day he has made. We don’t have to look to the right or left and see if we measure up. Because of Christ’s work on the cross, our identity is not in what we do, but whose we are.
“The enemy wants us to measure ourselves against each other, then back away from each other in fear, insecurity, shame, or pride. Jesus invites us to draw together in unity—appreciating differences, rather than being divided by them.” (Comparison Girl, Popkin)
A few weeks later, I check my phone and learn I didn’t get the job. Instead of spiraling down a vortex of what ifs, I quiet my heart. I try to remind my heart that God is sovereign and strong enough to make a perfect plan. I don’t have to compare myself to others or past versions of myself. He gives enough strength for today and I can walk in joy knowing He guides us one moment at a time.
Influence: Building a Platform that Elevates Jesus (Not Me) book. A great read on comparison and other timely topics!
Comparison podcast with Shannon Popkin. Shannon has written several books for girls and adults and they’re full of wisdom!
Pursuing peace podcast with Ann Swindell. One of my favorite devotionals when life feels uncertain.
Calm My Anxious Heart: I’m reading this book right now and it’s a great blend of storytelling + scripture. I appreciated this poem she shared on contentment.
“I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted; the freedom and the respect. I was twenty but it was thirty I wanted; to be mature and sophisticated. I was middle-aged but it was twenty I wanted; the youth and the free spirit. I was retired but it was middle-age that I wanted; the presence of mind without limitations. My life was over but I never got what I wanted.”
This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Healing.”
Grace! This is so good! Thank you for sharing!
“letting go of past or present expectations that aren’t mine to carry.” Love that.