Tender Teammates: Elizabeth Vanderhorst + a Giveaway!

Marriage & Motherhood Series

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Sep 19, 2023

These are the daily graces that intertwine two individual people into a synergetic covenant.

We are notoriously different in approach, my love and I. Where he is task-focused under pressure, I am people-focused. We had to come up with a rule early in our marriage that serious things couldn’t be discussed before 9am or after 10pm because I’m a morning person and he’s a night owl. I’m more likely to put dukes up and fight, while Luis takes the more level-headed, and sometimes what feels to me as too passive, route. We were also raised in different ethnic and familial cultures, which often feel very opposite from each other. What we lack in personal commonalities, we make up for in our analogous values.

We fell in love on a red-eye flight where we discussed Jesus, people, entrepreneurship, traveling, and wealth creation.

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I got our birth photographs from our photographer back this week. The look of tenderness in Luis’ face in the pictures brought tears to my eyes as I scrolled through them. In one of my favorite photos, I’m cradling our newborn daughter and Luis is looking at me with that softness and a smile. The pictures reminded me of how I buried my face into Luis’ neck as I felt the waves of contractions, how I relied on his encouragement and strength, and how I squeezed his hands as I pushed our daughter into the world. Even though the pictures capture labor and birth in a literal sense, when I look at them I remember that we are endeavoring together every day to draw closer to the Lord and each other, to parent intentionally, and to build a Kingdom legacy.

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“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” - African Proverb

For someone who went fast for much of her single adulthood, going far feels like the pace of toddler steps. Recently we resurrected our silly habit of kissing in the car at red lights, and we’ve been working at reaching for each others’ hands when we are near. Slow and steady is how we are building our legacy. We are learning how to weave tiny habits, moments of tenderness, and bursts of laughter into each day to keep the threads of connection secure.

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A few weeks ago, I was tempted to get a pint of ice cream and eat it alone in the car. Luis and I had been bickering over something insignificant prior to me leaving the house to grab a Target pick-up order, fights usually exacerbated by uncommunicated stressors we each carried and me being completely overstimulated at the end of an active day.

I threw the gauntlet down from the ice cream aisle at Giant Food Store and shot him a text - "Meet me on the porch with two spoons and a game in 10 min."

I carefully selected a pint of ice cream, the fancy special occasion stuff - Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream.

At home, Luis was waiting on the porch with the game Splendor and the spoons. I presented the piece-de-resistance: Sweet Cream Biscuits & Peach Jam ice cream. We kept an ear tuned to the open screen for any child cries as we played and laughed.

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One of the gifts of parenthood is that it creates a common goal for a couple to work towards, bolstering a marriage and challenging communication skills. Like pearls threaded on silky string, each moment of teamwork is a piece that makes up the whole beautiful treasure...

The middle-of-the-night feedings where I sleepily wake Luis to bring me the baby…when poop and glitter cover the floor of the nursery due to a diaper mishap and one of us baths the kid and the other one cleans up the floor…hand squeezes and verbal encouragement as I birth babies…laying in bed at night giggling over funny sayings from our toddler or crying and praying together…hiking as a family…dancing together in the kitchen…teasing our toddler to “close her eyes as Mommy and Daddy kiss”...reminding each other “I am for you and not against you”...these are the daily graces that intertwine two individual people into a synergetic covenant.

Parenthood challenges my marriage in the most meaningful ways. It challenges us to be creative in finding ways to have date nights and time together. It challenges us to find solutions and compromise when discipling and raising children. It is an in-the-trenches reminder that we are teammates and not competitors. And most of all, parenthood challenges us to pray harder than we have ever had to before for wisdom, protection, understanding, love, patience, and all the fruits of the Spirit!