Blondes Have More Fun?

Identity (Re)construction Story

My dear friend & I (:

"Mais!" my friends shouted as we chased each other in the humid dirt after Sunday School. Palm trees and mosquitos surrounded us. 

From a young age, I remember being called "corn" by my Filipino friends because of my blonde hair. But I liked the nickname, it set me apart. I'd smile and keep playing. 

I enjoyed living in the Philippines and my "identity" as a missionary kid. But it wasn't always enjoyable.

One of our four guard dogs

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Over the past few years, I've seen many "deconstructing" stories. Individuals deconstruct their beliefs by untangling issues like legalism, salvation, or identity. 

I want to enter the new year by sharing my "reconstruction" story. 

What do I believe and why?

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One day during Sunday school, my teacher talked about heaven and hell. Afterward, I prayed with her and asked Jesus to take control of my heart. He'd have access to every room, like a tenant moving into a new house.

I made that decision around six years old, but I still had doubts. Did I say the right words? I repeated that prayer several times to ensure I was saved.

At eight years old, my family and I moved back to California due to tuberculosis complications. 

It was a culture shock—no more outdoor Sunday school. No more running to our neighbors to play Polly Pockets. No more ube ice cream on hot nights.

In California, there were lots of blondes, and I could have called many people "Mais."

But that wasn't my primary label now. 

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As I got older, I studied other religions like Mormonism, Buddhism, Atheism, Hinduism, etc—but I noticed one key difference. Unlike other religions, Christ offered 100% certainty. 

Romans 10:9-10 says, "If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation." 

This verse showed me that we can know we’re saved, not just think we’re saved. I also realized that it doesn't matter how much faith I have but who my faith is in. 

I continued to find comfort in my faith, but when I went to college, people had different views. I wanted to be liked by my classmates and professors. However, I struggled to know what to say when discussing secular views. Sometimes, I spoke up, but often, I kept silent, afraid of what others might think.

Even though my emotions and desires wavered, God still sustained. I clung to verses like Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

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This year, I say "hello" to learning more about this identity, and I'm sure I'll have some setbacks and anxieties. I still want to fit in. I still want to be liked. But I know that I can't trust myself. 

Jeremiah 17:5-8 says…

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

    who draws strength from mere flesh

    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;

    they will not see prosperity when it comes.

They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

    in a salt land where no one lives.

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,

    whose confidence is in him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water

    that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

    its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

    and never fails to bear fruit."

These past few years have taught me that every aspect of life depends on Christ. My worth, value, joy, hope, and motivation come from Him. Without Him, I am nothing.

This year, let’s say, “goodbye” parched desert and “hello” green leaves.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Hello.”

"You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever." (Psalm 16:11)