When your Motherhood Journey Changes
Hope for the Changing Seasons
By Melissa Moore
The mood was somber as my husband, son, and foreign exchange student finished moving my daughter into her dorm room. About halfway home, three of us burst into tears because we realized that our family dynamic was changing forever and that there was no going back. Our family enjoyed each other's company. The foreign exchange student, who moved in the day before, awkwardly stated that everything would be all right. I am sure this seemed peculiar to her as she had just embarked on a journey across the world to live with strangers for the next semester of high school.
Identity
We repeated a similar scenario a few years later, moving my son into his dorm room. Now, my husband and I were facing the uncharted waters of an empty nest. The empty nest has become not about loss but about growing closer to God, identifying myself in Christ, and embracing the exciting things He has given me in this season and will provide in the future!
Satan is so crafty! He tried to undermine what I thought was true and make me question many of my parenting decisions. I was concerned I had not taught them enough life skills. In the end, I knew my children had a happy childhood where both parents loved them and pointed them to Christ, who loved them more than we did. I can rest on that.
Many podcasts and articles in the women's Christian space center around family. Where exactly do I fit in now? For my entire adult life, I have been trying to identify the spiritual gift that God has given me. I could not think of one in early adult life. I grew to loathe the question. In this midlife season, I now have time to explore this question and try new paths in my life. The empty nest was the catalyst for exploring my identity in Christ and the gifts He had given me for this season of life.
We are tempted to find our identity in many places regardless of our life season, like trying to fit in with the cool kids or impress decades-old friends. Maybe we're seeking validation from social media by the number of likes or subscribers. Perhaps we're seeking approval from mentors or status from possessions. But are we serving others to be seen instead of meeting a need? Are we being friendly to gain instead of give?
Galatians 3:28 tells us that God sees believers as righteous because the perfect one died on the cross for those who put faith and trust in Him. What a comfort that is! Pursuing anything out of glory for myself bears no fruit for Christ. When I forget to preach the gospel to myself, I muddy the waters by attempting to be someone I am not.
This empty nest season has been one of abundant gifts that flooded me with His loving kindness! First, he has shown me that I do not have to be the best at something for it to be a gift He has given me. He has generously provided opportunities to serve people inside and outside my family. He allows me to support my adult married children in their roles as spouses and parents. This does not mean I step into their role, but I am always here to lend a hand or a listening ear. My family has grown, and while the dynamics have changed, they have grown sweeter.
Today, I do not drive a Chevy Venture van but a small little Chevy Malibu. I am not moving kids into dorm rooms but hosting more family members each year! Our mood is not somber but joyful in Christ. Each opportunity to serve and smile at my grandchildren makes me appreciate this season even more.
Melissa is married to her high school sweetheart, Stu. They have two grown married children, a girl and a boy, and 6+ grandchildren. They worship at Sovereign Redeemer Church in Hugoton, Kansas. She blogs at https://mooremusingaboutlife.wordpress.com/ and podcasts at Therefore Theology https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melissamoore65
In Case you Missed It
My article on Motherly about the gift of presence
“Maligayang pasko po!” Filipino children come door to door singing or exclaiming, “Merry Christmas!” Around the beginning of December children participate in the tradition of going house to house for several weeks and then asking neighbors and loved ones for gifts. (Similar to Halloween.) Even though I was born and raised in the Philippines, I’ve never practiced this tradition. I assume many enjoy it, but would some prefer to take a break? Is this tradition always done freely or would some choose not to participate?
Sometimes motherhood feels like this tradition. Children constantly showing up and asking for time and energy. Some days I give a lot and feel good, other days I give a lot and feel bad—either way, it’s easy to be tired, burnt out and depleted, especially around the holidays.
Full article here
Piano Course Launches Jan 8th!
PS! Still looking for gifts? I’m launching a 5-week beginner piano class Jan 8th-Feb 5th! This would be a perfect gift for 4-10 year olds! Use code BLOG for $10 off!
Find more info here
What helps you in changing seasons? I'd love to hear from you!